Can You Hear Me Now?

A list of a few things that bother me...a little.

Cell phones: I have one, you have one, your grandma probably has one. I know that you know that I have one. But here's the thing, I bought it for my convienence not yours. I understand that this concept is hard for you to grasp, but I DON'T have my cell stitched into my hand and I DON'T always answer it. Sometimes I'm in the shower, sometimes I'm sleeping, sometimes I just don't care. It is not my responsibility to be readily available to YOU. Leave a voicemail, text me, maybe even try calling again. I can't guarantee I'll respond immediately (if ever) but it will up your chances of getting a call back. Just stop getting mad about it. That's silly.

Customer Service: Alright I get it, your job sucks but that is not my problem. I walk into an establishment and I just want to eat, shop, browse, whatever...I do not, however, want you to dump your issues on me. I simply do not care. Your sulky, pissy, gloomy, indifferent attitude is ridiculous. How hard is it to crack a smile? I've given birth and smiled at the people who came by to see me after. All you're doing is using a scanner. You don't even have to think anymore, a computer does your job for you.....and you look at me like I ran over your dog. What is that? What you don't get is that without me and people like me frequenting your shop, you no longer have a job. By proxy, I sign your paycheck. And it really pisses me off when, out of common courtesy, I have to thank you for doing your job instead of you thanking me for helping you keep it.

Drunks at the bar: You live a wretched life. Understood. The only thing you have to do with your time is drink. Alot. Everyday. That's your thing. You go to the bar because that's all you can do. Me, on the other hand, I occasionally go to the bar to relax with my friends. So, why you think I want to hang out with your sloppy ass is beyond me. I arrive at 10pm and you're already leaning left on your barstool. We see you there Drunky McDrunkerson, we don't say, "Hi!" or come over to chat because we have absolutely NO desire to be seen with you, let alone chatting with you. Seriously, you're a 49yr old loser. That being said, for the love of God, stop sending drinks to us and then meandering over to drop an arm around my shoulder in that super sleazy way. Does this EVER work for you? Really? I've made it this far in life without you, I'll do just fine for the next fifty years. But hey dumbass, thanks for the free drinks!

Here's The Thing

I swear to God I thought Houston was in America. I am all for diversity, legal diversity, but there is only so much a person can take. I'm from the proudest country in the world, the proudest state in the nation, and probably one of the proudest towns around. That said, why does every one of my neighbors feel the need to turn my street into Mexico City? I thought you came to America for a change. If home is where you want to be, HAUL ASS.

Ok, I get it. You are here. Whether your green card is legit or not is really none of my concern; however, when my tax dollars are paying for your welfare and you still can't find the time to pick your dog's shit up off MY sidewalk, we're gonna have problems. I guess it's sweet yard art to you but the view from my house is your broke down truck and I take offense to that. Tejano music is acceptable as long as I don't have to listen to "La Raza" in MY home at ALL hours. Which, apparently, you think I do. The quinceañera your fifteen year old daughter is having reflects your culture and her coming of age. I fail to see how 30 of your drunk ass relatives screaming down the street at 3 am celebrates this. I also understand that you are jealous of their jobs, but leaving your trash can knocked over with a weeks worth of refuse spilling out of it is not "teaching that garbageman a lesson." That's why your can never gets emptied and I get to watch the lovely (and oh so sanitary) rubbish storm as it blows down the road to my house. Thanks. And your dog? The one you let out for days at a time? I don't want it. So the next time it cries outside of my window all night for 4 nights in a row, I'm going to shoot it. If you have a problem with that, TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN DOG.

I have gone out of my way to be friendly to you and the 6 generations of your family currently living with you but I am always met with blank stares. Perhaps you speak Spanish in your homes but you know what "Hello" means the same way I know what "Hola" means. Get real. I try very hard every single day to not run over your 12 dirty, shoeless (sometimes pantless,) and ALWAYS unsupervised kids as I'm backing out of MY driveway and you can't even wave "thanks." That's just rude.

Maybe it's because we haven't had a yard sale yet for you to make purchases for YOUR next yard sale. Or maybe it's because we celebrate the 4th of July not Cinco de Mayo. OR maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with the fact that we take pride in our home and we proudly fly the red, white and BLUE. In front of our house. And we leave the light on it 24hrs a day. Put that in your burrito and smoke it!